My Kid, Your Kid - The Fireball
“Nothing in this world was more difficult than love.” - Gabriel Garcia Márqez
As a parent, it’s always interesting to discuss and discover the kinds of kids that we’re all dealing with in our little microcosms. It’s always easy to recognise the particular attributes that you know, love and lament in your own kids, when you see them in others. Many of us quickly come to a conclusion about a ‘type,’ such as a common blend of traits that we see replicated in a range of people we meet.
Hence, it’s well worth your while to truly know, understand and respond to each of your children in a completely different way. We don’t discuss a ‘type’ of kid in order to diminish the beautiful idiosyncrasy and individualism of our children. But we often do it enable a productive discussion around how to best recognise and respond to their needs, their deeds and their desires.
My wife and I often wile away the time laughing about the quirks and questionable traits in our own magnificent seven. In the end, we wouldn’t change a thing about them, but if any of them were to make us question this commitment to embracing them in their entirety, it’d probably be The Fireball.
No doubt you’ve met The Fireball, perhaps in your own family, or out on the swings at your local park. He’s named as such, due to his ability to independently generate a great deal of light and heat, most often due to either velocity, or friction with other children or inanimate objects around him. Probably destined for a future in emergency services, extreme sports or (ironically) working with children, these kids can crash and recharge at record speeds. Rarely known to sit still, The Fireball has seemingly tapped into the kinds of genetic and biological resources that would leave the rest of us in a state of adrenal fatigue, or near death. Generally, he’ll only stop for food, water, Pixar films and an opportunity to spite or provoke the closest innocent sibling.
The Fireball can also seem remarkably adept at manipulation and misdirection. When asked why he called his sister a ‘snot,’ he will innocently correct our misunderstanding by explaining that he was simply talking to the wall, rather than the person beside it - a remarkably effective and imaginative explanation for a three year old. He will no doubt dazzle, distract and delude the innocent with a wide smile and the kind of quick, frenetic movements we often see in smaller primates, but as his parents, you’re well beyond being fooled. Again. Well, this time.
The jig is up, but the joke’s on you.
Oddly enough, for all his capacity for cruelty and insensitivity, there are remarkable moments of intense affection and empathy. Our Fireball can be incredibly provocative and downright destructive, but the kid’s got a heart as big as any and will latch on and love you till your last breath, without fail and without doubt. This of course, is what leads us to to truth of The Fireball.
When not distracted by the light, the heat, or the path of destruction that he’ll often leave behind, you’ll come to realise that The Fireball burns so damn brightly because he’s of his reactive nature and his constant need for fuel. The Fireball is drawn to conflict and confusion because he feeds off the energy that it gives off, as negative as it may be. He seeks out confrontation and calamity because it resonates with the right kind of frequency in his bones, a frequency that is equally matched by the energy, movement and stimulation of sunlight, fresh air, a ball to catch, or hit or chase.
The Fireball teaches you all the tricks you need to know to keep him happy. In the word of St John of the Cross: “Where there is no love, put love, and you will find love.” It’s about action, distraction and directing that energy into service, love and laughter. Your anger, my friends, will achieve nothing. The Fireball’s short fuse and unpredictable reactivity will leave no holds barred should you waste your breath in yelling or any other outburst or attempt at coercion.
You need to keep this kid busy, focused and feeling like all is well in the world. And the humbling thing about it is that there’s no shortcuts here. It takes time, presence and patience. It’s going to take your time, presence and patience, to play the games, draw the pictures, take the walk, kick the ball and build the blanket fort. It’s also going to take persistence, because the moment you drop your guard, the peace you’ve built around you is going to burn down before your very eyes.
There will be unmatched moments of imaginary self sufficiency, where The Fireball will immerse himself in a world of his own making. Enjoy it whilst it lasts, because there will be the inevitable incorporation of hand to hand combat or death defying acrobatics that will require your intervention. This isn’t a drawback, it’s an opportunity to express your care, your love and your infatuation with The Fireball’s happiness and wellbeing.
You have to snatch up every single moment of empathy and interest that you can find here, to build and build upon the trust and the mutual understanding that you’ve established over days, weeks, months and years. The Fireball can descend into a cycle of resentment and retribution incredibly quickly, losing all sense that you understand his needs and are truly trying to meet them. Who are we kidding? As adults we can barely keep our heads straight when it comes understanding the motives and true meanings behind the actions of our loved ones - why would it be any different, or easier for our kids?
So do not establish yourself as the obstacle, the killjoy or the oppressor. You need to bust a gut to be the enabler, the co-conspirator, the trusted adult that will bring levity and laughter at a moments notice. Truth is, with The Fireball, you’re either with him, or against him. It’s truly as simple and terrifying as that. So frame your language around positive and plentiful alternatives to the destructive and dangerous,
It’s incredibly hard work, but the unbridled joy, hilarity and energy that The Fireball can bring into your life is nothing short of a Godsend. So keep that ball moving and keep that kid happy, as this one will teach you more than any other, that you truly reap what you sow.