Fidelity
One element of our mission here at Wristwatches and Radios is to capture and celebrate the notion of fidelity. Bound by loyalty, support and faithfulness, the word is usually used in relation to love, marriage, relationships. Easy enough. But not enough. It holds a pivotal place in the culture of W&R because of the critical impact it has on all aspects of our lives. In the pursuit of an honest and dignified approach to modern life for the modern man, the value of fidelity cannot be exaggerated. Its presence, and hence its absence, has massive implications on the way we live and the way we affect the lives of those around us. To begin with our families, in the sense of our parents and siblings, our fidelity need not be limited to the bloody application it may find in a Mario Puzo novel. For all of us, there are elements of our familial upbringing that may need to be abandoned, in light of new learning, insight or exposure to a truth that brings misconceptions and their applications to an end. These may be prejudices, practices or preferences that bear no benefit for any of us. There may be violence, bitterness, confusion or contempt bound up in our blood and our bones. Some things are fit to fade. Others are not. When it comes to grace, to patience, to compassion, our families provide us with a God given opportunity to rediscover and refine our ability to love, to forgive, to tend, and to care. We need each other in ways that we cannot even grasp. Thomas Merton wrote of human relationships as ‘resetting a body of broken bones;’ a painful and anguished process that will lead to healing, given the prerequisite properties of love and faith. As painful as it may be, we must engage in this resetting, this healing, this union, if we are to be true to the purpose and dignity of our origins. We must have some reverence for the history, narrative and tradition of those who walked before us. We must celebrate their romantic imperfections, ideas and intentions if we ourselves are ever to be forgiven and saved. Above all else we must honour their efforts, their intentions, in crossing oceans, breaking ties, finding new ways and new words to put food in our mouths and love in our hearts. We must recognise and respect the crosses they’ve borne, the oaths they’ve sworn and the toll it’s taken on them - when their movement through time and space has drawn them, and us, ever closer to truth, to life, to faith and insight. Sometimes, we must respect them, ourselves and their intention enough to let them go. We surge forward, we stumble, discern and disown the half truths and misconceptions that plague us in our adolescence. We have to come home to an identity, a way of being that is beyond what was laid out for us, if only because of the manner in which we can make it our own. You may live and believe the same things, but enact and embody them in a thousand different ways. You will find your way. No, you may find your way. With a commitment to discernment, dissatisfaction and discipline, you can carve an existence worth noting, worth loving, into the mud. Many don’t, turning circles of ennui and uncertainty till the day they stop breathing. Sometimes, you must commit to absurdities and a vision of what your life could be if you are to embrace and transform the life you have - to bring poetry and purpose to the simple things, to everything. And once more, fidelity is critical to all of this. Because you are not to let it go. You are not to give it up. The little things that bring joy, clarity, liberty, sanctity. You must find them and be faithful to them. Find your art, your discipline, your notion of being and commit to it. The pen. The page. The ink. The paint. The air. The wheel. The oil. The tool. The light. The movement. The sound. Whatever it is. You must grasp and cherish it, even if it means a little less sleep. Especially if it means a lot less television. A fidelity to these passions, these escapes, these arts, give us a freedom of existence and expression that allow us to experience the divine in our own, simple, stupid, beautiful little ways, if we’re wise enough to remember to give it back to Him. Even if nobody reads it, or hears or sees it, it will be evident in our breath, our bones, our skin and our eyes - that we have something that beats below; extends above and beyond us; reaches out beyond mere survival. You can turn your back on this, for the basic and banal sense of security, certainty, that comes from the lie that you don’t have time. But you will pay for it. Day after day. Without question. For this art, this romance, this purpose and expression brings us a little closer to being men worth loving, worth knowing. And some of us find a woman to know us, to love us, beyond any measure that we may ever deserve. So here, we find the virtue of fidelity meeting its most critical purpose, moving beyond our own self actualisation to love, cherish and grow in union with another. This baffling, edifying, exhausting and transformative experience is driven by fidelity for a range of reasons. Not only to honour and cherish the woman you have; but to bear the wisdom to return to the jubilation and gratitude that you found each other in the first place. There are countless songs, movies, novels and neighbours working to convince you that it is routine, mundane and inevitable to find someone to love and commit to for the rest of your life. These are lies. It is none of these things. It is remarkable. It is redemptive. It is a further indication that you are born for so much more than you may have ever imagined or believed. In this love, your fidelity is a critical, poetic and noble pursuit that extends beyond so many other disciplines. Because it isn’t in the broad strokes and bold moves that the truth lies. We can all too often hide behind the banality of black and white statements about being faithful and not cheating. Forget these words. Abandon these notions as infantile and move beyond them. They belong to another line of thinking, another practice, another people, a lesser discipline. It’s in the finer details with which we must concern ourselves. Of course you will not be unfaithful. This is a given, hence, it cannot be the justification for any sense of satisfaction or rest. The truth lies in your line of sight; your sleight of hand; the spaces around you; the words you work; the time you spend. All of these, countless, nameless, unobserved and often unobtrusive, will either exemplify or undermine the truth of your fidelity. Not only towards your family, your lover, but your art, your faith, the essence of your being. When you take the time to reflect on it, a thousand details cry out with reckless abandonment. They will either sing your praises, or howl your threnody. Every living moment reaches out innocently in question, to either affirm or deny the man you claim to be and those you claim to love. You must learn to recognise that question, and revel in its answer. Either that, or you let it slowly kill you, one day at a time.
Gaetano Carcarello is a Discalced Carmelite, father of seven, and a teacher. He’s enamoured of music, smitten with silence and in love with the written word.
He creates custom made novel pages based on pivotal moments in people’s lives at Page 83; tweets as @gcarcarello; and blogs about Fatherhood, Fidelity, Culture and Creativity here at Wristwatches and Radios.