A Time to Scatter
All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven… A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather.
- Ecclesiastes
Indeed, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather. I might reflect on the months that have passed as a time to gather. Since August of last year, I’ve managed to post three scant times on Wristwatches and Radios, despite having lost none of my fervour for the mission and values of the project: Fatherhood. Fidelity. Culture. Creativity. I must appreciate them, perhaps, in that order, to understand why something I love so much falls to the wayside, as Wristwatches has.
Over and above all else, I serve my family, my God as husband and father. As much as I might want to hunch over a keyboard for three hours or so, letting the words spill out, I need to tend to the needs of my wife and children with the kind of presence, warmth and agency that the vocation warrants. As such, in recent times, rather than writing, I scratch out a thousand notes, reminders, ideas and half starts that will serve me in the months ahead. Throughout it of course, I’ve made a thousand adjustments to plans, routines and habits to get the words down on the page.
I’m reminded of the time I was writing the first draft of a novel, getting much of it done whilst sitting in the back of a bus rambling down a country road, pitch black, with freezing fingers on a winter’s morning. There are ways and means, of course, by which we can manage these works. I’ve always believed that. That said, there are periods in one’s life where even with the right, ruthless culling of frivolous pursuits, you can’t get to the page, get to the work. Again, as a husband and father, some responsibilities will always take precedence.
There has been a new property, a new home, a new job, a new child, all bringing me closer to the life that we’ve sought to build, but drawing me away from the joys of other projects. In years past, I would have undertaken a futile, penitential and systematic process of self-loathing when I was unable to write. Those days are long past. At this point, I have a means, a time and a mechanism by which I can get some writing done, and as such, I’m humbly grateful, but understanding that it may not always be this way. Always, fatherhood first.
Then of course, fidelity. Fidelity to what? This is more the wristwatch than the radio - the precision, the purpose, the clarity, the design. You must commit, fervently and furiously, to the vocation, the mission that God has granted you. Not only marriage and family, but the means by which your gifts and talents take form in your life. Your faith, your works, your duties, beyond those of marriage and family must never be neglected. My vocation as a Discalced Carmelite (OCDS) demands much - praying the office, daily mass, silent prayer, a Marian devotion that usually finds form in the daily rosary - and ultimately, this must all come before my writing. I’m sane and humble enough to know that in any final estimation, my prayer, stillness and silence does more for the world than my words do.
Furthermore, the daily, though joyous toil of gainful employment, amidst the needs of family and community, might leave little room in the day for other things that I value, but must set aside. Whatever our paid endeavour may be, we should relish it, value it more than ever in such uncertain times, and do everything in our power to do it well. Through our labours, we pay homage to God’s works and His will, tending to his garden in the particular way only we can. I’m blessed to have a job that I thoroughly enjoy, to the point of wondering how I can be paid to do the things that I do, to meet the people that I meet. This sense of gratitude, of peace around daily toil, has only increased this year, feeling that I’ve finally come home, in a manner of speaking, when it comes to my toil and trade.
Of course, balancing the needs of work, and family, can be demanding enough. If one is to take seriously the vocation of marriage, to give oneself, covenantally, to another - you must endeavour to give everything you have. I’m still learning, slowly, fifteen years into marriage, to notice, nurture and respond to the myriad of cues and needs around me, as my beloved does, more instinctively than I do. Attempting such a prayerful, attesting presence, can feel all the more difficult when preparing for the day’s work, or returning from the same - but it must be done to preserve the unity, the sanctity and the grace of family life, and the world at large.
Thus, cultural engagement and creative endeavours can become secondary. I would argue that they aren’t inessential, but certainly secondary to the higher priorities of marriage, family, stewardship, labour and community. There comes a point where the creative endeavour or cultural work strengthens, clarifies and reminds us of key truths, needs, responsibilities. We cannot, and should not, attempt to sever one aspect of our life from another, but understand how they all tend to the same source, the same wondrous reason for our being, and our ultimate end.
Thus, I take to the keys, and thank you for taking the time to read. As always, I pray, there is something to edify, to inspire or to draw you back. To balance the precision and purpose of the wristwatch, with the romance and wonder of the radio. Take the time to scatter stones, but always, remember, take the time to gather.
All things have their season. Amen.
By Gaetano Carcarello